" Unresolved Trauma " Anger

 Happy Saturday Kings, and Queens. How are you doing today? I hope all is well with you. Today has been a great day for me so far. I have been working on a couple of things like my website, and later on today I am going to work on another chapter for my book. The Holy Spirit has placed it on my heart to talk about unresolved trauma. I know every one of us as a whole has unresolved trauma. Some of us are scared to talk about it. Few of us are running away from it because we don't want to sit down and dwell on it for too long. The majority of us know we have trauma and are scared to actually deal with it. Trust me I am not perfect at all so I will be sharing my story with you. I pray that it will inspire you and magnify you. Unresolved trauma is an active and usually disruptive emotional response to a terrible event or experience that the person tries to forget and suppress instead of processing. To others, you seem fine, but in reality, you are stuck in the past, battling emotional and physical symptoms that make it challenging to live a quality life. The pain by repressing. I know that I have spoken about my childhood trauma in one of my blog posts before. My upbringing and childhood were a lot of emotional, and physical abuse. As I got older, I didn't deal with it at all. I suppressed it for so long. The root of not dealing with it cause anger. The anger turns into unresolved trauma of anger. What I mean by that was I used to fight a lot. I was ready to fight anyone I just didn't care at all. I went to jail twice for battery. When I was having a bad day, and someone would walk by and speak to me I would curse them out and say don't speak to me kick roots. I will argue, and fight in all my relationships. Trust me I get that the character was very bad, and ugly. To be humble, open, and transparent with you. Deep inside me, I was crying out for help, and I was hurting inside. I had so much unresolved pain in me that I didn't properly take care of. I got abused, I lost my mom, and my dad wasn't in the picture then. I felt abandoned, and alone. I was angry because I was mistreated by my own family. I am not completely healing from unresolved trauma I am still on my journey. I have encountered more unresolved trauma. I was angry because I wanted a bright future, but it was hard because of my past mistakes. Angry with the justice system, angry with family walking out on me, angry with people who I thought were my friends walking away from me, and angry because when I send out a text to family and friends I won't get a response back until a week later, a month, or no response back at all. Angry because I miss out on school events, and traveling because I don't own a vehicle. Angry with myself when I look around and see my family, friends, and people from class doing big things, great things and I feel like I am not. Angry when I am so passionate about something, and people don't care about it. Whew, the list of anger can go on, and on. Angry because I had 7 more classes left to obtain my Business Administration degree. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford it, so I had to withdraw from school to the point I felt like a failure. Angry when people use me, don't feel heard, or seen. Angry because of my actions to go to the doctor two years ago and found out that I have herpes.  Angry because I was chronically homeless for years with nowhere to go. By the grace of God, he blessed me with an apartment. I am angry because I often have to start over, so I feel left behind. WOW! I can't believe that I have shared my unresolved anger trauma with each of you who is reading this. I am glad that I did. When I tell you I had one seed of anger that outgrew me, took over my life because I didn't resolve it sooner. I knew that I needed to, but I wasn't ready to deal with it. I will just continue to run away from it. It wasn't good, and it wasn't easy. I felt like I was drowning, and stuck. I was tired of just being angry all the time. I talk to Father God, all the time about it. He always will tell me to stop running from it and to talk about it. I shouldn't care about people's opinions this healing was for me, my future kingdom spouse, and my future kingdom children. I started counseling in 2020 I was still in denial about my unresolved anger issues. In 2021 that was when I really started doing the work. I drew closer to my relationship with the Kingdom, still doing counseling sessions. One thing that blew it out of the water was I tapped back into writing, and I started to share my struggles with people. I took an anger management class again for the 3rd time but this time it was different. It was different because my heart and my mind were in a space to actively listen and use the skills that I learned to cope healthily. Learn to walk away when I know I am going to say something I will regret. Learn to communicate more in healthy ways.  I write letters to express myself better. Learn to take accountability for the past, and my mistakes, and apologize when I know I am wrong. Shout out to Dr. Jerome from the University for Parents where I took the anger management class and planning to take it again. I was going to share more unresolved trauma, but it is going to be a long list of things. The Holy Spirit told me to stop here this is only part 1. Make sure to stay plugged in for more of my stories of unresolved trauma. Have a safe and wonderful week. Until next time Chosen Princess