'' Unresolved Trauma " Abandonment

 Hello Kings, and Queens. How are you? I pray all is well with you. Today is a good day for me I will rate myself an 8 out of 10. How will you rate yourself? Please feel free to leave a comment I would like to know. Trust me it is okay not to be okay we all have our moments. In last week's blog post, I was speaking about my unresolved trauma of anger. Today I will be talking about unresolved trauma abandonment issues. This is part 2 of my blogging series about my life, and unresolved trauma that I didn't deal with, and ran away from the majority of my life since childhood. Emotional abandonment is a subjective emotional state in which people feel undesired, left behind, insecure, or discarded. When my mom left this earth from cancer my world was turned upside down. I didn't feel love, and I didn't feel worthy even though it wasn't her fault it was just her time to go. With me experiencing that as a child the seed of abandonment grew inside of me. Over time not talking about my feelings, not writing how I feel it grew much larger every second and every day. When I started encountering relationships, and they didn't work out because I didn't want them to, I felt abandoned even though I self-sabotaged the relationship. When the other relationships didn't work out not because of me but because of them I developed another seed of feeling undesired because of abandonment. Have you ever felt that way before? When I had friendships that didn't last long because they decided to just walk away, I was left broken with abandonment. Don't get me wrong I can talk accountability on my friendships as well. In some cases, it was my fault, and other times it wasn't. I had so much anger, brokenhearted, and pain in me. I didn't feel seen, I didn't feel heard. I felt unworthy to the point that I would not let people in my life. There were times when I would call a friend and they didn't pick up I still felt abandoned. Or if I text and don't get a response right away, and no response back ever I feel abandoned. I will tell myself that I am that little girl again and everyone is going to abandon me. I got to the point of just feeling left behind and left out. I really thought that I was a bad, and evil person. When I moved away from home, I felt like I abandoned my family, and times when I felt like they had abandoned me as well. There was so much depression, and anxiety surrounding me. I had times when there was so much chaos around that I thought God had left me. How do I deal with Abandonment now? Praying, therapy, writing, and meditation really helped me out a lot. I feel at ease, I feel peace in my heart, and my mind. If someone walks out of my life, I will just say Father thank you for the time that they were in my life, and I thank you for the time that they are no longer in my life. I had to self-reflect and learn that most people didn't abandon me they were only meant to be in my life for a season. I also realized that they fulfilled their assignment of helping me where God wanted me to be, so it was time for them to go. I have faith, and I know that every person is not the same. The time will come when God brings the right people into my life who will go with me to the start of my journey and the end of my purpose. They will be with me, and I will be with them every step, and every mountain. Please feel free to leave a comment or fill out the contact form if you need an ear to listen. Have a glorious week. Until then love has always chosen the princess.